Political Comedy

According to the Detroit News John Kerry recently made some interesting comments in reference to the Israel-Lebanon-Hezbollah conflict, to wit:

"If I was president, this wouldn't have happened," said Kerry during a noon stop at Honest John's bar and grill in Detroit's Cass Corridor.

Bush has been so concentrated on the war in Iraq that other Middle East tension arose as a result, he said.

"The president has been so absent on diplomacy when it comes to issues affecting the Middle East," Kerry said. "We're going to have a lot of ground to make up (in 2008) because of it."

...

"This is about American security and Bush has failed. He has made it so much worse because of his lack of reality in going into Iraq.…We have to destroy Hezbollah," he said.

I think this may be one of those rare moments when we can all disregard for a moment our political leanings, and personal feelings about John Kerry. A moment when we can join together in asking "What the hell is he smoking?" I mean really, every part of the article that involves Kerry reads like a joke. Let's review it in slow motion.

"If I was president, this wouldn't have happened", said Kerry during a noon stop at Honest John's bar and grill in Detroit's Cass Corridor.

So Mr. Kerry would've averted this crisis. It's pretty easy to say things like that when you'll never have to back it up. But it must be the truth because he was standing in Honest John's! I know it doesn't really pertain to his statement, but is that not the most ironic place a politician could possibly be quoted from? Like I said, the whole thing's a joke.

Bush has been so concentrated on the war in Iraq that other Middle East tension arose as a result, he said. "The president has been so absent on diplomacy when it comes to issues affecting the Middle East," Kerry said. "We're going to have a lot of ground to make up (in 2008) because of it."

So Bush was so concentrated on the Middle East that he lost site of... the Middle East? Um, right. And because of that, "tensions arose," implying that there were no tensions before, and they could've been avoided entirely with just a tiny bit more talking.

Let's remember that we're talking about the Middle East, possibly the most war-torn piece of real estate in human history, a region that practically every national leader in the last 30+ years has tried to bring peace to. But apparently, despite that long history of conflict, everyone was on the verge of a regional chorus of "Give Peace A Chance". But then Bush didn't come to the recital, so they went back to killing each other instead. Yep, that's exactly what happened, I know so because Mr Kerry said it while standing in Honest John's! Give me a break.

Hezbollah guerillas should have been targeted with other terrorist organizations, such as al-Qaida and the Taliban, which operate in Afghanistan and Pakistan, Kerry said. However, Bush, has focused military strength on Iraq.
"This is about American security and Bush has failed. He has made it so much worse because of his lack of reality in going into Iraq... We have to destroy Hezbollah," he said.

The first part stands on it's own, but this is really the punchline. After he says we're not being diplomatic enough, he follows up by essentially saying "Now I guess we'll just have to kill 'em all. That's what I would've done from the start, of course." Now that is what I think of when someone says diplomacy. I know politicians are a breed apart, but really how can he say this with a straight face? First there's not enough diplomacy, then the problem is that we didn't kill them fast enough? It sounds like what you'd get if you spliced Clinton and W into the same body - "We should've been more diplomatic and killed those bastards years ago."

Honestly, I don't even know why I subscribe to Dilbert anymore. I should just subscribe to this sort of thing instead.